Friday, December 31, 2004

But, everyone else is doin it....

If everyone else in blog land was jumping off a bridge, would you? To borrow a quote from my 4 yr old from earlier this year:

"I would if I had a floaty"

Alrighty, then....let me try and squeeze into J's flotation device with the Cookie Monster head and off we go with my rendition of the meme:

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?

Let go of my old dreams and made room for some new ones

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions and will you make more for next year?

I vowed to live a happy, healthier life and so far I like the results....I think I'll press forward with that same resolution in 2005

3. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?

A crystal ball

4. What dates from 2004 will remain etched in your memory, and why?

November 7th....the day my estranged husband humbled himself to me for the first time since we met seven years ago and put the ball in my court

5. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Embracing life as a strong, sexy, smart, funny single mother...returning to college after a 15 year hiatus--chasing my own dreams instead of living someone elses

6. What was your biggest failure?

Some would argue my inability to let go of my hopeless romanticism...my belief in a fairy tale ending

7. What was the best thing you bought?

My very own bed and the scrumptious flannel sheets to go with...oh, and it was a gift, but I puffy heart my KitchenAid mixer

8. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My wise beyond her years 12 year old daughter.

9. Whose behavior made you apalled and depressed?

Estranged husband's family in response to our separation--my own snarkiness embarrasses me, and my inability to keep my big mouth shut...I have been guilty of sharing TMI more times than I care to remember

10. Where did most of your money go?

My little chicklets and therapy....lots of therapy.

11. What song will always remind you of 2004?

Coldplay's The Scientist

12. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder--melancholy, yet hopeful

b) thinner or fatter-- same

c) richer or poorer-- richer

13. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Read, Forgive, Laugh, Play, Snuggle

14. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Introspection...yeah, I can see I'm ready to leave all that behind me-- Judge, Cry, Be Jealous

15. How will you be spending Christmas?

I cannot even imagine

16. Did you fall in love in 2004?

Yep, with this girl I have known all my life but never really *saw* her until this year

17. How many one-night stands?

Zippity-doo-dah. I need romance

18. What was your favorite TV program?

Six Feet Under

19. What was the best book you read?

Shiela Ellison's The Courage to Be a Single Mother

20. What was your greatest musical discovery?

The cd that saw the most play time was Coldplay's A Rush Of Blood To The Head, but I listened to the soundtrack from Amelie a whole bunch too....Discvery wise...didn't know Rilo Kiley before a month or so ago and the biggest surprise has gotta be Maroon 5

21. What did you want and get?

A fresh start

22. What did you want and not get?

Closure

23. What was your favorite film of this year?

Amelie, Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind, Before Sunrise,

24. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I honestly don't remember. I turned 36.

25. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

A big, fat eraser capable of granting an infinity of do overs

26. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?

Huh? If you are asking me what my everyday uniform is, it goes something like this:

Jeans, layered t-shirt, Converse and most likely sportin pigtails as a result of consistently bad hair days and my denial that I'm no longer in San Francisco but instead a 36 year old mother of two livin in the midwest

27. What kept you sane?

Fiercely holding fast to my sense of humor...a circle of funny, loving, and supportive friends

28. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy most?

Well, admittedly I have someone here in blog land that I describe as my blog crush...it's all very jr high...other than that, it's just weird that my 12 yr old and I find Johnny Depp hot. He's just one of those guys who got waaayyy better with age. YUM!

29. Who did you miss?

My girl, Jenny (never far from my heart), Steph (never fails to inspire me), Gwen (you just rock!), Maria (it's not fair that I will have to wait so long to meet your new baby boy...), and well, as much as it pains me to admit it, my husband.

30. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004.

Well, this is one that's still being drummed into my melon: Never say never-- It's probably never a good idea to burn bridges, To assume makes an ass out of u and me, When you have a big enough mouth, it is indeed possible to put your foot in your mouth and eat your words at the same time.

31. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Time rolls on/And dreams they die/And I've thrown out the pictures I had of you and i/And if you're ever wondering if love can be true/Well, think of me and remember darling like i, like i do/ Ole friendships fade away, love falls apart/ And you've not spent a single day outside my heart/

If you think that I don't love you, you're just wrong/And that don't matter now anyway

-Jude











Tuesday, December 28, 2004

I really,really, really, love my daughter...

As is evident by....wait, are you sitting down? Are you ready for this? Guess where I'm going to be on March 5th? I'm taking K to the Ashlee Simpson concert in Chicago. Woo-freakin-Hoo!!

Her stepdad bought the tickets and made reservations for us at a four star hotel (thank you very much--I'm gonna need all the amenities I can get for doing this one) as K's Christmas gift. She's so excited. I wonder if Nexium makes a t-shirt? I would soooo wear it to the concert. Maybe I could get one made. Something to the effect of Nexium knocks out acid reflux, what do you think?

Needless to say, he's scored big points with K but she's not quite the pushover that I am. It will take more than a well chosen gift to win her back. We spent Christmas day together and it was a very nice, peaceful way to spend the holiday. There was lots of laughter and it felt really good for all of us to be together. K commented that things weren't as awkward, didn't feel as weird as she thought they might. Of course, J was thrilled to have all of us together and her big, happy smiles were the best part of Christmas.

I am allowing myself to be at least a little optimistic about the future but for now, I'm happy to take things very slowly....one day at a time. S and I may or may not reconcile but I am filled with such peace with the resolution to forgive and to embrace the love we share for our children. My hope is that this will make it possible to honor and respect one another in a way that will allow us to continue to be the best parents we can be to the girls.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

The view from down here....

It's official...I have indeed fallen off the face of the earth. I have not had the chance to even glimpse at my favorite blogs much less post a line or two here on my neglected blog in close to two weeks now. I'm gonna have a lot of catching up to do!

I really can't hang out right now. Between Christmas programs, parties, crafting, shopping, and baking, getting tangled up (thorns and all) with the mystery rose sender, and whipping out two eight page papers, and studying for three finals, I am barely staying afloat. Which brings me to a question....how *do* you hardcore bloggers do it? You obviously have a life because I have been fortunate enough to read about your fabulous life...what is the secret to your devotion/discipline? Many of you have children, significant others, real life honest to goodness money making jobs, are voracious readers, go on dates, run a household, etc. etc. and yet you make it all look so effortless. Do tell!

One more final tomorrow morning and then I'm free, free, I tell you!

Until then, I love and miss you all terribly.

Friday, December 03, 2004

Good Tom, Bad Tom

I know, I know, Thanksgiving has come and gone but I'm just now getting around to spilling the details of how the girls and I shared our first holiday sans a daddy. We skipped the official Thanksgiving holiday and opted to eat out at one of the only restaurants that was open followed by going to see The Polar Express. I loved it and it even kept the attention of my four year old (without the usual bribes of lots of chocolate and way too much soda) who almost always asks to ditch a movie less than half way through. My twelve year old pretended to think it was lame but I could so totally tell that she secretly loved it as well.

Afterwards, we came home late that night and put up our Christmas tree. Sometimes I don't recognize this new me....this calm, serene, go with the flow me. I unwrapped each ornament, each one with a story, and let the girls decorate the tree all on their own. In the past I would have felt the need to direct, to make suggestions as to how everything should be placed on the branches, to have a "picture perfect" holiday centerpiece. Turns out that I didn't need to orchestrate after all, the tree is gorgeous!

On Friday, we invited the girl's Aunties over and we feasted on turkey, roasted veggies, smashed potatoes, and the best apple pie I have ever baked. While in the midst of dinner, our door bell rang and I was met with a gigantious, gorgeous bouquet of two dozen long stemmed red roses. Seems someone out there is thankful for me. No, you can't read the card! I didn't let my dinner guests and I'm just superstitious enough not to want to jinx anything by making predictions right now....it's just too soon to tell. Still reeling and weak in the knees from the totally unexpected delivery of such a gift, we headed out to see K perform in the stage production of A Christmas Story. The play was awesome and I loved seeing my little one's eyes light up when magical snow began to fall inside the theatre.

Later, after my chicklets were tucked snuggly in their beds, I watched The Terminal. It really didn't rock my world, but I didn't hate it either. I guess I like me some computer generated Tom Hanks over a strangely accented Tom Hanks stumbling all over Catherine Zeta Jones.

Happy belated Thanksgiving! I'm a girl who has lots to be thankful for, not the least being the wonderful circle of friends I have and the writers out in blog land who inspire me, make me laugh, and are keepin it real. Rock on!